


will you hold me tight and not let go?

by thedisasternerd



Series: fallen light [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Forgot to mention the fluff, Healing, Hurt Cody, Hurt Obi-Wan Kenobi, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Now with correct mando'a!, Post-Order 66, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reunions, Slice of Life, Sorry Palpatine, Very loose plot, biochip failure, cody's too good for you you slimy bastard, it's not all that bad, just so you know, more like, no beta we die like men, slices of life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:42:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21954583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedisasternerd/pseuds/thedisasternerd
Summary: "Thank you," he croaks out, wincing at the harsh, broken sound of his voice.He tastes blood in his mouth.Meanwhile, the figure slowly raises their hand, peels off their goggles and--Cody's heart stops.---Cody is abandoned by the squadron on Tattooine as a punishment. He finds more there than just memories.
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi
Series: fallen light [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1606903
Comments: 36
Kudos: 948
Collections: Clones Adore Obiwan





	will you hold me tight and not let go?

**Author's Note:**

> This monster snuck up on me at 3am and didn't let go.
> 
> Thanks to Gabe (hi-i-may-be-satan), who is a darling and lets me bounce ideas off of her and to my friends Charlie and Ellie, who read my shit and somehow encourage it, despite not being in this fandom. However, there was NO BETA so all typos, mistakes and inaccuracies are all mine. Do I know anything about star wars tech? no. Was I _this_ close to crying? yes.
> 
> The entire fic was inspired by ocean eyes by billie eilish (surprise surprise). The song lyrics at the end are from renegades by the x ambassadors and the quote at the start is by charles bukowski.
> 
> i haven't figured out how to do hover translations (...yet), so please go to the end notes.

> _Find what you love and let it kill you._

* * *

_good soldiers follow orders_

_good soldiers follow orders_

_Cody-_

The voice is so clear and he knows it's talking to him but-

_I am CC-2224, not Cody, who is Cody?_

He raises the blaster. It's shaking. Something - someone? - grabs him and he lashes out. He feels a crunch, hears a cry.

_good soldiers follow orders_

Blue eyes stare at him. He could drown in them. Choking and drowning on a hideous mess of...of _emotions_ that he shouldn't have-

_enemy, traitor_

no-

_kill him_

No.

_good soldiers follow orders_

He can't

He can't, he's not a good soldier.

He _can't._

His chest hurts. He looks down, half expecting a gaping hole in his chest. Instead, he sees smooth white, whole and unblemished.

_good soldiers-_

He's not a good soldier.

The Words are muffled, static and grey and fake, dispersed as if he's underwater, just like-

_no, no, please no,_

"Good soldiers follow orders," he hadn't realised that he's been chanting that, again and again, between every ragged breath and every beat of his lying heart and every blow that sends pain ricocheting through his body but it's _nothing_ on the pain in his chest, where his heart used to be.

But he's not a good soldier.

He followed the orders, why is he not a good soldier? He just wants-

\- wants.

Not-

_-follow orders-_

_NO!_

He can't, won't, because of blue eyes and a slightly ridiculous Coruscanti accent and scruffy, floppy, hair. Those kind eyes, light eyes. Ocean eyes. Deep and soft and hard and eternal, large enough to float on, large enough to drown in. Blue abyss.

_good soldiers follow orders_

He screams.

They come for him, but at least this isn't a betrayal.

* * *

They leave him there.

The sand planet.

He can't move. Something (that's probably foul enough for him to be glad that most of his senses aren't quite functional) sniffs at him and then wanders away, heavy steps vibrating through the sand. The grains shift and he can feel some trickle in through the gaps in his most likely - no, definitely - tattered armour. In the distance, something else yowls a call that makes his brain hurt and a chill run through his over-heating body.

The desert pulls him in. The wind trails fingers of sand across his chest, scratching over every dent and tear in his no longer pristine white armour with a detached curiosity. There's a throbbing pain in his head. Not just where he can feel his blood ooze sluggishly out of him, but behind his eyes so that he can't open them properly. He manages to get a glimpse of a too-bright blue sky and two suns before having to screw his eyes shut with a sharp groan at the burn.

And he's got a hole instead of a heart. Black hole, charred at the edges. Sucking everything in and burning, spreading viscous blackness through his veins.

He can feel that too.

Nothing really compares to it.

-he's not a good soldier.

Maybe he was. Well, _Cody_ was a good soldier, maybe even a good being.

But he stopped being _Cody_ when he gave the command. When he called out _blast him_ _!_ and watched a figure fall down, down, to its death. When he came down and found a torn, tattered cloak. Ragged hole in the back (just like the one where his heart used to be).

_Ner'jetii_

No. Not anymore. Never.

Not even if He were-

His face is wet.

He doesn't know if it's tears or blood. Probably both. He hurts everywhere anyway.

Especially the kriffing _enormous_ hole in his heart.

* * *

He walks.

For a long time, he walks.

He doesn't know why, when, how, what.

_good soldiers follow orders_

The whisper taunts him.

Twin suns follow him. Burn his eyes behind the helmet.

He doesn't want to take it off.

He wonders if he's still got the yellow paint on somewhere.

212\. Blue eyes.

Hurts.

* * *

There's a hut on the horizon.

He walks towards it. He can't help it, really. It's like he's being pulled there, like he's been hooked and is now being slowly reeled in, no matter how much he digs his heels in. He staggers, trips, falls. There's sand in his mouth now, crunching between his teeth and grating his tongue down to shreds, mixing with the blood and the tears that just keep on coming, the salt burning, burning, burning. He has to get to the hut.

Has to. Kark it, he _has to_. It's not wise and a voice that sounds...sounds like _His_ (stang, he's going mad, but no surprises there) is whispering _are you sure that's wise, Commander?_ in that kriffing voice of His, flirting lilt and small smirk that made Cody want to pin Him to the table and kriff Him senseless in front of all the vod'e. Whisper filth into His ear until he lost all His pretty negotiator vocabulary and swore like He did in the middle of a battle, then gradually lost even that and only knew Cody's name.

But that's past. The renewed pain slams into him, the dull ache replaced by searing agony.

He must get to the hut (why?) and there's no High Jedi General Obi-Wan Kenobi to tell him otherwise. Because Cody ( _no, CC-2224)_ ordered him to he shot off a cliff-face.

He's being pulled like a puppet on a string towards it. He hates it, but he can't _not_ go towards it. It'd be easier to...but...

No more control. He should've been stronger, should've resisted, should've-

But he didn't.

And now He's dead because of CC-2224, who is no longer worthy of having his own name since he so _mindlessly_ followed orders.

-he hears His voice saying _it wasn't your fault, you were controlled-_ and he wants to scream again but his throat is too dry.

Besides, He's not here anymore.

He stumbles one last time and can't get up anymore. He tries but his legs crumple underneath him, underneath the bloody, charred armour that could've been white once. Maybe with some orange, a bright sun. The HUD is long since broken but he can just about see through the slit, his eyelids sticking together with tears and exhaustion but they're too dry to close.

Hurts.

Not as much as the hole in his heart and the image of blue eyes that he can't unsee, doesn't want to unsee.

It doesn't hurt as much as betrayal and falling and drowning.

Nothing should hurt as much as betrayal.

He pushes himself up on weak arms, but the sand and the exhaustion and the pain, the numbing all-consuming pain win.  
  
He could crawl but he hates sand too now.

Like-

Like-

 _Little_ _Gods._

His thoughts congeal into jelly, quivering and nonsensical.

Blue eyes. Kind eyes.

Like the ocean on Kamino. But so much warmer, so much kinder.

His fault they're gone now.

He remembers those eyes. The constellation of freckles. Soft smiles, scars, delicate touch.

He remembers-

* * *

Blue eyes.

A voice.

"Force, _Cody?_ "

It's not real.

Can't be.

The light stops.

That delicate touch. His helmet comes off and the air stings.

His voice shushes him.

He must be dead. But shouldn't death be painless?

"You're not dead," He whispers, "You're on Tattooine, Cody. Outer Rim."

He's not Cody anymore, and _He_ is dead. So he must be dead too.

Which is a nice thought. Afterlife with- with-

His general. His one and only. If what he felt was love then he felt it. Unconditional.

He was dead though.

"You're not dead," his love says, "And neither am I."

Everything hurts. Dying hallucinations?

He's lifted gently into the air.

Definitely dying.

At least this time, he's doing it with Him.

_Blue eyes._

* * *

His head feels like it's splitting open.

Is he in Medbay? Hr can't remember what happened, but he hopes to Gods that everyone is alright, especially his general.

_Ner'jetii_

Gods, Cody hopes he's alright.

Something way too bright is scorching through his eyelids and he suppresses a groan as he attempts to sit up.

He doesn't even manage to get his head off the pillow before he feels everything lurch to the side as every single memory slams into him with crushing force, leaving him drained and empty and lying supine on a foreign bed and a body he can't control and that damn hole in his heart.

_Gods_

How can he even be alive-

_It can't be._

He can't breathe.

Drowning, always drowning, drowning on Kamino on Utapau, drowning in those blue, blue eyes, drowning in emotions, drowning in the sand, drowning with his heart gone, dissolved and scarred in chemical burn made of tears and incorrect (too high, far too high) levels of oxytocin.

He can't open his eyes.

He has to-

The sunlight sears his vision, leaving him blind and in pain. He doesn't care.

He's in a small hut. There's a rug on the floor, woven but already threadbare. That karking _laser beam_ of light is coming through a chink in the cracked blinds that cover one of the small windows. There's a stack of holonovels in the corner. A table is pushed up against a wall with a messy heap of odd scraps of technology, an even bigger pile of meds (especially painkillers), vibroscalpel packaging, bacta, bandages, and what Cody recognises as a mangled chip. It's got rust on it.

The side of his head stabs him in the temples with a shard of agony.

...It clicks. He stares at the chip, trying to figure out who could have...

Rex was right.

Doesn't matter. His general is already dead. Jedi Master and General Obi-Wan Kenobi is lying broken at the bottom of a deep, blue lagoon.

The irony isn't funny at all.

Cody remembers it all now. Those small smiles that made Obi-Wan's eyes sparkle. The packs of tea stashed in every corner. The kriffing _tower_ that Obi-Wan had made out of said packs of tea, which had been made was actually taller than the Jedi himself and had resulted in Obi-Wan looking far too pleased with himself, pupils dilated with too much caff. The spare robes that kept turning up on the chairs and on the kitchenette.

The way he would allow Cody to push him up against that kitchenette and kiss him senseless until he was a panting mess, hair skewed and any objects within a metre radius hovering in the air, clattering down as his mind cleared and/or Cody backed away. Those kriffing noises: hitching gasps and suppressed whimpers - he'd always stuff his knuckles into his mouth when Cody turned his attention to other matters. The freckles across his back, the ones that Cody wanted to connect with a pen, no matter how cliché it was.

It doesn't matter anyway.

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, preparing himself for another attempt at getting up. He's just about coordinated the correct muscles when he hears the door open with a squeak of rusty hinges. Whoever comes in, however, makes no other sound.

Cody doesn't want to pry his eyelids apart, but he manages by sheer force of will.

There's a figure in the doorway. They are humanoid, with a pack slung across their back and are wrapped head to toe in ragged clothing, with a scarf around the bottom half of their face and goggles covering their eyes, making it impossible to tell who, or what, they could be. But something about them is so achingly familiar that Cody can feel all the air being squeezed out of his lungs and his throat closing up.

He's just projecting. Wild hopes will get him nowhere.

Besides, he needs to thank this being, to whom he owes his _di'kutla, etyc_ life to.

"Thank you," he croaks out, wincing at the harsh, broken sound of his voice.

He tastes blood in his mouth.

Meanwhile, the figure slowly raises their hand, peels off their goggles and-

-Cody's heart stops.

Blue eyes stare back at him, haunted and shattered but still so, so _kind_ and that's _Him_ that's his _dini'la_ general, that's-

But it can't be.

" _Gedet'ye,_ " he wheezes, because he can't take this, this great cosmic joke, he can't-

"Cody," Obi-Wan whispers. It's muffled from the cloth around his mouth but Cody hears it like a kriffing _canon blast_.

He'd across the room in under a second, ripping off the material and sinking down beside the bed as Cody breaks down, tears burning their way down his cheeks.

 _Gods,_ this can't be real, Obi-Wan can't be here, he's _dead_.

But he's here.

_Ner'jetii_

"Ni ceta," Cody manages, raw meaning behind every karking word, " _Ni ceta, ner'jetti._ "

_I kneel._

He feels a cool hand cover his own and he grasps it, holding on tightly because if he doesn't then Obi-Wan will leave and he'll be dead again and-

" _Nayc,_ " the Jedi breathes, " _Nayc, Kote,_ "

Cody knows he's not worthy, can never be anymore, but he leans down as best as he can and knocks their foreheads together, not caring about the pain that goes lancing through his head. He brings his free hand up to grip the back of Obi-Wan's neck, the rough fabric there and the slip of hot skin under one of his fingertips.

He feels the man take a deep, shuddering breath.

His own heart doesn't hurt so much anymore. But it hurts even more, too.

Obi-Wan eventually moves away but his fingers remain tangled with Cody's even as he reaches for the bacta patches and bandages.

"I'm sorry that I didn't ask for permission," Obi-Wan mumbles thickly, "To operate. I guess... it... wasn't working anyway."

He's clean shaven now, Cody notices.

He looks so young, and so very, very fragile.

"It's fine," he says, "It's definitely better now."

Obi-Wan swallows and doesn't look him in the eye, body twitching.

_Gods, no, please-_

He moves to drag his hand away and Obi-Wan lets him, even though his eyes shatter.

"I'm sorry," Cody starts but Obi-Wan shushes him as he sits down awkwardly next to him, peeling off whatever was on Cody's head to replace it. The slightly too-warm air isn't pleasant, making his head ache even more before the cold bacta eases the pain a little.

Obi-Wan's fingers linger a little. Cody wants to hold him and never let go.

Obi-Wan starts to get up and Cody freezes because Obi-Wan is going and he can't-

"Don't go!" he all but yells, making Obi-Wan flinch and _Gods, please, no-_

_He's falling, falling, and the blast rings in his ears as he watches him fall, blue eyes burning a hole in his heart-_

He's gasping wetly and he can't breathe and there are tears running down his face but then there's him, there's Obi-Wan, he's alive and, and-

_Ner'jetii_

"Nu ba'slanar," he chokes out as familiar arms wrap around him and pull him into coarse robes that still smell of spice and tea and something so quintessentially _Obi-Wan Kenobi_ that it makes Cody cry even harder.

" _Draar_ ," Obi-Wan says emphatically.

They hold on.

* * *

Cody refuses to sleep on the bed as there is still, well, only one bed and Obi-Wan has to sleep on the floor.

Obi-Wan also refuses to sleep on the bed, which results in a stalemate.

Logically, they could share a bed. But every night he jolts out of sleep to find the sheets twisted around him, cold sweat all over his body, an acrid taste in his mouth and a scream dying on his lips. Or alternatively he's woken up by quiet whimpers, disjointed whispers of _no, Anakin, please_ , and once to the familiar sound of a 'saber lighting up and the inside of the hut being bathed in that blue glow.

He decides that they're both too dangerous to be near each other when they have no control.

Gods, he wants to hold Obi-Wan _so kriffing bad_ but he can't. He can't even get up on his own. Obi-Wan feeds him thin soup that tastes like sand and dust but nonetheless manages to keep him going, forces water down his throat, goes on trips to the local town - Mos Eisley - wrapped in those rags and the utility belt slung far too loose around his now too-thin waist.

He reads holonovels while Obi-Wan is gone, starts to walk on his own, even makes food that's more palatable than thin soup.

He heals physically. The nightmares don't go away though.

* * *

They're sitting at the table, the usual not-quite comfortable silence around them. Cody pushes the oddly shaped remains in his bowl around for a few minutes until he can feel Obi-Wan boring holes into his head.

"Is there anything wrong?" he asks softly.

Cody feels the tips of his ears flush, just a little bit. He can't look up into those burning blue eyes.

"Can I-" he cuts off, coughing awkwardly, "Liser ni gar'murcyur?"

In the silence that follows, Obi-Wan swallows audibly. When Cody dares to look up, and there's an impossible smile on his Jedi's face.

" _'lek_ ," he stutters, voice breaking and a blush crawling pink like a sunrise across his cheeks, " _Elek_ _Cody_ , yes, _gedet'ye_."

It may be too early, they may be too broken, too deeply scarred, but Cody sets the spoon down with a clatter and reaches out to cup the older man's face with his hands, the stubble scratching his palms but the skin underneath warm and _alive_.

It's a bit of an awkward angle, but they manage it. Cody scoots his chair closer, wincing as it scrapes across the floor. They don't quite dare to do much more than share air for several minutes (or is it seconds? Or hours? Time seems to bend and warp around Obi-Wan), soft exhales dissipating warmth on Cody's lips. It takes several more moments for Cody to knock their foreheads together, his hands sliding backwards to grip the back of his Jedi's neck, a move that always made Obi-Wan screw his eyes shut as if to focus himself while Cody stared at him and battled away the thrill of possessiveness that curled low in his gut and tight around his chest.

Obi-Wan's hands tangle in Cody's hair as he does exactly what he would always do - always does; his eyes flutter closed as his lips part, chapped from the harsh winds and bitten raw to a red sheen. After a few seconds he opens his eyes again, ocean eyes burning into Cody's, as if seeing his very soul.

Knowing Obi-Wan, he probably is staring right at Cody's _force signature_ , or whatever they're called.

His Jedi smiles softly and Cody kisses him.

It's chaste, no dirty intent behind it, but the kiss makes his head spin, makes him dizzy on something, like the one time Hardcase ( _Gods-_ ) had found some less than legal stuff and shared it around for a laugh. The angle makes his neck hurt, their bodies are a kriffing _parsec_ away from each other, but he doesn't care.

He feels lighter than he has in a long time now.

As he pulls away, he feels a burst of happiness and he can't stop the grin from spreading out across his face. He feels the scar stretch, like it should. Obi-Wan is smiling softly, eyes sparking blue and green in the yellow light of the hut.

"Ni kar'tayli gar darasuum," Cody murmurs.

Obi-Wan's smile brightens, impossibly.

"I love you too," he whispers, "For eternity."

* * *

The nightmares don't stop.

They never relent.

Obi-Wan isn't much better.

* * *

"Obi-Wan-"

" _No._ " he all but growls, robes swirling as he paces, dust kicking up around him, "I cannot leave, I _cannot_ Cody, he's-"

He stops suddenly, just on the ridge of a dune. The sled whacks the backs of their knees. On it, the newly acquired furniture creaks and rattles ominously. Cody bites back a frustrated groan and pushes it away.

"We might have to," he argues and once again curses the masks covering their faces - he can't even gauge the situation from Obi-Wan's facial expressions. The sand and pebbles begining to float around them, however, are a pretty good indication.

Obi-Wan doesn't answer. Cody sees his fists clench and jerk towards his belt, as if reaching for the 'saber (that, more often than not, had actually been clipped into _Cody's_ belt).

Alarm bells that scream _danger, stay away_ start up in his head, but he still reaches out to place a hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder. He can feel how hard the Jedi is shaking and steps closer, wanting to embrace him.

"Cyar'ika-" he starts but Obi-Wan pushes him away. His breaths rattle harshly in the suddenly deafening silence.

Cody swallows, panic beginning to rise in his chest, but backs away, just as Obi-Wan howls, burying his face in his hair and sinking to the ground, his short hair bristling as if electrified.

It's a broken, bone-chilling sound that makes the hair on Cody's neck stand on end. The dust is a whirling wall of grey and brown around them; Obi-Wan is the eye of the storm.

Cody can't move for all of several seconds, his muscles locking together, every single instinct screeching at him to run. His hand is reaching for his blaster before he forces himself into motion and rushes over to grab Obi-Wan, yelling his name and pleading, sinking down into the shifting sand even though it scratches the scrape on his knee that he got when he tripped over the chair. (Obi-Wan hadn't _laughed_ exactly but he'd radiated amusement for several minutes.)

Obi-Wan turns around and Cody freezes in terror as radioactive-yellow eyes filled with tears of nuclear waster burn into him.

_Please, no, no, not Obi-Wan._

The Jedi - _no, not anymore, he's -_ blinks at him, the infected ochre fading back to clear, luminous blue but still so _agonised_ that Cody's chest constricts.

Obi-Wan comes back to himself fully with a hoarse cry, turning away with flushed cheeks. Cody pulls him in and holds him tight. The Jedi's chest heaves as he fists his hands in the rough material of Cody's tunic, none of his usual grace, only ugly sobbing.

He calms down slowly - eventually, exhaustion takes over and he slumps over, head lolling onto Cody's arm.

Cody wonders when he last slept properly as he hauls his love into his arms, brushing a hand across grey-streaked auburn locks. Obi-Wan doesn't stir as Cody gently places him on the sled and plows on through the endless sand towards the tiny dot on the horizon.

He's beginning to understand why he- why Anakin-

Taking a deep breath, Cody cuts off that train of thought before-

_Falling-_

No. He has to get Obi-Wan home.

He keeps going but keeps looking back, scared to lose his Jedi.

_Ibac'ner._

_Ner'jetii._

* * *

Obi-Wan is re-reading the same holonovel again.

He's curled up in a patch of sunlight, hair glinting gold and eyes glowing blue. He's an enigma. A paradox. Young and old at the same time, serene yet broken. War and peace.

Cody won't let him go. Ever. He can't. He's not worthy, was never worthy, but he can at least try to protect the one light left in the galaxy. He tries to keep the possessiveness that gnaws at him in check, but the want, no, the _need_ to hold and never, ever, not in a thousand, a million, years, not in _eternity_ , not if the sky fell down and the stars burned up, let go.

At that moment, Obi-Wan looks up and smiles, eyes crinkling.

He's so beautiful it hurts a little.

"We could try sharing the bed," Cody says suddenly. It'd be the first time in maybe a year and a small part of him dies when he remembers everything, _everything,_ that's happened in between. Before that, even in the midst of a bloody and pointless war, there had been hope that had been drowned in darkness like- like Obi-Wan nearly had been in that dark lagoon on Utapau. But that hope, that spark of gold and blue, hadn't been put out, and he feels it kindle even brighter within his heart as he stares into somehow still warm eyes.

Obi-Wan blinks at him. There's fear in his eyes, but Cody can also see that very same tentative spark of hope.

"We'd probably need to hide all the weapons." he replies cautiously.

It's not a no.

"But maybe...maybe it'll help." Cody ventures.

Obi-Wan smiles, a fleeting thing but still there.

"Perhaps." he says softly and turns back to his holonovel.

Cody tries to go back to tinkering with the engine that he's fixing for money ( _Imperial_ money - it makes him sick and Obi-Wan's face goes that sort of wrong, wonky shape of someone who's trying not to cry. But they have to get by somehow) but he finds he can't look away, his tongue dry and far too big in his mouth, throat closing up. Eventually, he caves and gets up to walk over to his love, sitting down next to him on the mat. Obi-Wan hums, not taking his eyes off the holo - a collection of poems - but nonetheless leans into his side as Cody wraps an arm around him.

* * *

It works.

They push the separate beds together and climb in, lying awkwardly on opposite sides of the contraption, unsure of what to do. They haven't done anything beyond chaste kisses and lingering touches.

Obi-Wan is the first to act. He stretches out his arm and places it, palm up, between them. Cody stares at it for a little too long, his di'kutla brain not catching up. Obi-Wan pretends, not very skillfully, that he's not hurt and starts to pull it away just as Cody reaches out and grabs it, lacing their fingers together and squeezing just this side of too tightly.

Obi-Wan smiles, eyes shining with... _something_ that makes Cody's heart sing.

They fall asleep still holding hands.

Cody is the first to wake up, breathing harshly, but there's a smaller, familiar body tucked into his side that he would know blind, deaf and now, at the end of the world.

He buries his nose in soft, if slightly greasy, hair that smells predominantly of dust but with an undertone of that _tea/spice/???_ scent, and lets himself be soothed by a hand raking through his hair and Obi-Wan's mellow, mellifluous voice singing some old, forgotten tune - a lullaby, perhaps? - in his ear.

When it is Obi-Wan's turn to startle awake, Cody soothes and shushes him rather than watching painfully from the corner. The Jedi shivers in his arms for a long time, but he isn't swinging a lightsaber around. Cody counts that as a win.

They curl up together, both trying to take up as little space as possible, before Cody sighs and wraps his arms around the still-shaking older man. Obi-Wan makes an aborted sound that sounds too much like a sob and twists round to bury his face in Cody's chest, gripping Cody far too tightly for him to be able to breathe properly. Cody holds him despite that, tangling their legs together and pressing in close, close enough to be able to feel the Jedi's ribs and hip-bones through the thin material of their sleepwear.

* * *

Eventually, they manage to set up a tiny agripod. Just the bare essentials, some vegetables and some spices, enough to actually eat properly. Obi-Wan puts his skills at preserving hoards of potted plants (it still hurts a little to remember his quarters in the Jedi temple, which had been more verdure than anything else. Oh Obi-Wan Kenobi, secret gardener and lover of plants) to preserving a crop of food. The Jedi works his magic ( _-The Force is not_ magic, _Cody_ ) and soon enough they have surprisingly healthy plants.

Meanwhile, in his scavenge for credits as a mechanic, Cody finds an ancient music player. It's so old that he's not sure what it's called or what the model is, but he picks it apart, cleans it, puts it back together and switches it on. To his surprise, it works - quite well actually. It even has music on it and although some of it strays to the more shrill and twinkly side, most of it suits his tastes just fine.

He comes home from their tiny farm - if it can even be called that - to find Obi-Wan (or Ben, he should really start calling him Ben) examining it curiously, turning it over in his hands and prodding it until it starts blaring shitty music, making him startle and drop it.

Laughing, Cody steps forward and reaches out. Obi-Wan hands the still playing device over a little guiltily, but watches intently as Cody turns the volume down and then flicks through until he finds something suitable - not really for dancing, but he likes it, and judging by the wistful look in Obi-Wan's eyes, he does too.

_Run away with me,_

The light from the window filters through his hair and turns it into a halo of molten gold. The white hairs can barely be seen, but Cody knows they're there - a scattering around his temples.

They're growing older, after all. Luke, too, is already six and getting bigger - they visit very rarely and never stay long. They're not welcome and it breaks Cody's heart every time he sees the raw _guilt_ in Obi-Wan's face.

A couple of years ago they had had a slight scare about how fast Cody would age, but it turned out alright in the end. Still, Obi-Wan had held him for months like he would vanish at any moment: tight and clinging. Cody himself knows that there are wrinkles on his face that weren't there before, that his own hair is greying slowly. Obi-Wan teases him about it, calling him a silver fox with a laugh in his voice that contradicts the gentle sadness in his eyes.

But Obi-Wan is still so beautiful that Cody can't breathe for a moment, even as he turns away to set the player down.

_Running wild and running free,_

Cody stretches his arms out, making grabby hands at the Jedi. Obi-Wan rolls his eyes fondly but lets himself be hauled to his feet and into Cody's arms.

_And I said hey, hey hey hey, living like we're renegades_

Cody winds his arms around him and whispers: _"_ Dance with me? _"_

Obi-Wan smiles like the kriffing sun, happiness shining in those ocean eyes.

Cody can't look away from those blue, blue eyes.

They hold on.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading (I might write a prequel/sequel)! 
> 
> please leave kudos and comments :)
> 
> visit me on tumblr - i screech very quietly under the same name as on here.
> 
> Edit 19/01/2020 HOLY SHIT THANKS FOR THE LOVE GUYS and I'm officially working on a companion piece to this :)
> 
> mando'a (probably grammatically incorrect and fucked up as i was stringing separate words together into sentences. sorry?)  
> 'ika - diminutive suffix, adds affection to the word  
> ner'jetii - my Jedi  
> di'kutla - idiotic  
> etyc - worthless, abominable  
> dini'la - insane  
> gedet'ye - please  
> ni ceta - I'm sorry (literally I kneel, the most grovelling, sincere form of apology for mandalorians)  
> nayc - no  
> Kote - Cody [glory] (transcribed into Cody in basic)  
> nu ba'slanar - don't leave  
> draar - never  
> liser ni gar'murcyur - can I kiss you? (probably grammatically incorrect but oh well. suck my non-existent bilingual dick)  
> 'lek - yeah  
> elek - yes  
> ni kar'tayli gar darasuum - i love you forever (THIS HAS BEEN FIXED BY THE LOVELY avenginginsanity - TYSM!)  
> cyar'ika - sweetheart/darling (my personal weakness. shut up)  
> ibac'ner - that's mine  
> ner - my/mine  
> bid jate - so good (hehe)  
> mesh'la - beautiful  
> jii - now

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [the blood on my hands scares me to death](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22470682) by [MageOfCole](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MageOfCole/pseuds/MageOfCole)




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